Today is a travel day with a lot of time to think and little to do. I could thrill you with odes of comforts of having a bed in business class instead of the sardine can in the tail of the plane, but I should be utilizing the bed instead of bragging about it. And no one likes a braggart. So, as I step into the sky and race forward 40,000 feet above the ground in a pressurized tin can, my thoughts turn to what I have left behind.
And the ground. I am thinking a lot about the ground. And oxygen. Lacking it at this elevation.
No living being on this planet exists alone although many believe they do. It is a wonder we revolve around the sun with so many individuals revolving around themselves, but I digress.
No matter how hard one may try, no being on this planet can disconnect entirely from others. No one is exempt from having responsibility to others, even if one does not have regular contact or responsibility for their care. It is the very nature of existence that by being here, or there… or even over there… one directly impacts another being, if aware of that impact or not.
So today, or at least to start, I want to give a shout out to the people I stuck with filling my shoes while I am away.
I’m glad I brought most of my shoes with me because several of my ‘friends’ are contemplating filling my shoes with whipped cream, peanut butter, glue… yeah, in retrospect, I might deserve that.
I don’t do much anymore. Just climb down from your prepared ‘you are relevant’ high horse. I know you were saddling up. I appreciate your efforts, but I fully realize my inner Goddess. I don’t let her out to play very often, but she is in there bubbling away under my insecurity blanket.
There was a point in my life where I was an active member of multiple clubs and organizations. I had a job, or I volunteered. I drove more people around than a New York taxi, and maintained my own home and some others too. I was in the car so much simply going from place to place, I often pondered why we owned a home at all. Especially one someone assumed I would clean and maintain.
I cared for parents and friends, and even though I did not bring income into the household, I was part of an intricate support web across many groups which was diminished when someone stepped away.
Recently, my participation has fallen away simply because the people have fallen away. Yes, my effort to reattach could be greater, but the fact is, no matter what tech is invented, physically being in different space fractures the familiarity of proximity bonds. Now the kids are grown, living independently, and branching out into their own bliss, leaving me with the husband and dogs.
Granted the kids are living and branching next door, but there is a whole shared yard and doors which lock between us now. Thank goodness.
On the other end, elders from across families and friendships are, to be blunt, dead. Talk about physically distancing a relationship. I will admit to cemetery visits from time to time to commune with the dead, but even their physical remains are spread across the city, the state, and even the country. It is easier to sit in my chair and simply ask the smorgasbord of deceased ancestors I have collected what they might do, or how they might act. I laugh with their memories and tease them endlessly about leaving me here alone as the matriarch.
Who ever thought that was a good idea should have their thinking license revoked.
My point, after that massive tangent, is despite my diminished daily presence in several lives, I still make an impact, and I never act alone. Others had to step up, change their behaviors, and react to my choices. Because I spent a lifetime adjusting my behaviors and reacting to others, I deeply understand that nothing I do is in a bubble. Nothing about this adventure is solitary, and I want all those people who made this happen to know I do appreciate and understand your cooperation and participation in this journey.
From driving me to MN, to doing the taxes by himself, my husband will take the brunt of my absence. He is an adult, and I maintain he can take care of himself, but as the only other human occupant of our home, he might start to notice little things going by the wayside.
Or maybe not. He is not really home much and rather blind to the details I believe are important. Like closing cupboard doors or putting anything away. For the next 3 months, I can say with 100% certainty the dishes left on the counter are not mine.
Despite my teasing, he has an independent, full and very successful life. Maintaining several businesses, active in several organizations and projects from building our house to making a movie earn him a well-deserved sit in the chair when he gets home for the day.
And for the next 3 months, he will… probably do that. Well deserved.
I should have hired a maid before I left, although a professional maid would win a clean off against me no contest. Glad I didn’t do that. He would never take me back.
The kids will miss my money. Especially since I am spending part of their inheritance to take this trip. Which reminds me, kudos to those dead ancestors for leaving me a pile to express my inner whimsy. And for teaching me to not spend… all of it, but to put it aside for the next generation and only use it personally for special occasions. Again, kudos to the ancestors for passing on a great way to keep the kids engaged in my life.
The dogs will probably move in with the kids since husband is never home. Come to think of it, they will likely be walked more, get better food, more pup cups… I’m rethinking pointing out others picking up my slack. I am realizing there is very little slack that cannot be improved upon.
I also want to shout out to my sister-in-law and her family who picked me up at the Iowa boarder, put me up in their home and drove me to the airport. They will likely reverse the process when I return, and they put their lives aside without question to accommodate my request. I know it is only because their dog loves me and she insisted they bow to my whims. I know who runs the house. I appreciate you Abby.
And my friend Sarah for checking on the dogs and for coaxing her sister Cathy for taking on my plant. I was unintentionally pre killing my mother’s Christmas cactus with neglect, but I bet Cathy will resurrect my blunder.
And to anyone who might read this. I hope there will be one or two of you out there, giving a moment of your life to take interest in mine. To connect, yes through technology, but to reach out and express to another human being they have worth. You have no idea how large of an impact that has.
So, I probably should take another nap because this introspective reflection is becoming borderline creepy. Sorry. I flew miles over the borderline with the title of this one.
